there are some things I want (and don’t want) to remember:

that thing Dr Max said about the survival brain vs the creative brain - that when the survival brain is active the creative brain is suppressed, impossible to access. That you need space and safety to feel creativity flourish.
the fact that my moms signature still looks the same. when she writes it now, although she says she can’t read or write anymore.
how many charities send her mail for a next donation
how the word HOPE on the HOPE Unit sign was missing on the placard outside my mom’s unit
the peeling wallpaper in the hospital meeting rooms
what her eyes look like filled w pink eye'
anxiety as restlessness
her matted hair, grey growing in marking this time like a strange lengthening band of her depression
her crooked and small body the first to walk onto the plane after being wheeled to the gate
how when I write a postcard I still feel a little like I can speak to her as I did before
dreams and journal entries
drink her up and fill my body
mother daughter mirror - future/past mirror