dreams

My mom is always well in my dreams.

I am often surprised and she is not. I am often over-protective and concerned or confused - how is it that she is well?

Last night I dreamt that my older brother, who is basically estranged from her, and me, came to see her. I woke up with the language, ‘she perked up,’ but it wasn’t quite that. She was a different person. She was the mother I had as a child. She sat up in a seat with a back, her hair was much thicker and that auburn red she had my whole childhood, and she wore the subtlest red lipstick (this was out of character). My brother came in and sat behind her. They both were facing me and it was as if she had always been strong enough to sit tall in a chair, clear-eyed, and poised.

I woke up unclear about whether or not I should reach out to my brother to relay this dream. He has had no contact with her for about a year, and many years before then. He has no trust of her.

I had a dream once that I was racing around trying to grab her various resources in a kind of mad-dash and I saw her with a huge bucket filling it up with water - something I was going to do. I couldn’t understand how she could carry that water. She was strong and not sure why we were gathering all these things.

I want to believe that this subconscious persistence of her being “well” is prophecy… today, everyday, she is so unwell. I am not sure I will ever have her back but its nice to find her in my dreams.